On this Thanksgiving Day, I thought that it would be appropriate to recognize a family role that is often under-celebrated, that of stepparents.  I feel qualified to speak on this topic because during my life, I have benefited significantly from three different kinds of stepparent relationships.

When I was a boy, my father remarried twice.  And those transitions were hard.  At first, when my dad would visit us (his first batch of kids), it wasn’t a great experience.  He would pick us up and take us to a local park and just watch us play, or we would take a long drive to his factory office, where he would work and we would have to find something to do (mainly wander around an empty factory).  My dad was highly focused on his work and had significant challenges balancing his work with family life.

But the visits with my dad changed when we finally met my first stepmom and his second batch of kids. We were welcomed into a home with younger kids that wanted to play with us.  And their mother made these really great breakfasts for all of us. My father was less distracted and more engaged with all the kids in this home. And while my stepmom was fairly quiet, I could tell that she had a positive influence on my dad, making him focus more on his family.  Much later in life, one of her sons has become the cornerstone of our extended family, staying in touch with all the kids and creating opportunities for all of us to be together.  I know that some of his passion for family came from his mom, my stepmother.  

My second stepmother was less reserved with us.  She created a fun atmosphere in her home.  We would often play board games or watch movies.  Sometimes we would have all ten kids in the same house and sometimes it would be just the first and third batches of kids.  Either way, it worked and we always had fun. Often, we would go out for a Denny’s breakfast, where my dad would order nothing because he could finish the meals for various kids. Later, one of my stepbrothers would provide assistance. One year, my second stepmom organized a road trip to Disney World — for all the kids packed into a single station wagon. It was fun, and I was old enough at that point to remember my second stepmother encouraging my dad to do things with his kids.  So, both of my stepmothers helped my dad to be engaged as father.

Often, the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree. When I grew up, got a job, and had a family, I struggled with work/life balance.  For fear of not succeeding at work, I was consumed around the clock with work-related thoughts.  Even so, I was devastated when my distraction finally resulted in divorce.  I wanted to be involved in my kids’ lives, but I needed some serious help.  I prayed for help, and God brought me Joy (literally, that’s her name).  From the moment I met her, she helped me to be a more involved father.  Needless to say, I married her right away.  At first, when the kids lived with us half of the time, my wife did everything that a mother would do and made sure that I was doing what I needed to do as a father.  Later, when the kids lived with their mother full time, my wife kept me engaged with my kids.  My wife organized numerous activities, day trips, and awesome vacations.  She planned holidays and bought gifts.  She made sure that the kids had clothes, school things, bedroom stuff … etc. In short, she created and maintained a home and family life for us all.  And even now that the kids are older, she is still at it — keeping us engaged as a family.  And she continues to do this despite me still struggling with balance.  There’s no other way to describe it — I’ve been blessed.  Who says that prayers aren’t answered?

As I mentioned above, the kids started out splitting their time evenly between my ex-wife’s house and my house.  After a few years, the kids conveyed that it was too disruptive to them to go back and forth between the households.  We agreed that it would be better for the kids to live with their mother full time.  This did place more of a burden on my ex-wife.  And she was able to handle it.  After several years, though, my ex-wife remarried.  At first, I was quite anxious about this because my kids would be living with their stepfather full time and only see me part time.  But soon it became apparent that this new arrangement was actually a very good thing.  The kids’ new stepfather was actually a very good person.  He was there for the kids whenever he was needed.  And he helped to bring into their home some spiritual devotion.  And he did this without making me feel replaced as a father.

So, in short, I have been very fortunate to have stepparents in my life in different ways. While stepparents aren’t obligated to do more than the bare minimum for their stepchildren, they often do so much more. And sometimes they make all the difference in a great family life.  This Thanksgiving, I am giving special thanks for the stepparents in my life (and for all of my readers who are not Czech advertising bots), I hope that you do the same.